That G Word: Biden, Netanyahu And Blinken In Conversation
President Joe Biden, joined by Secretary of State Antony Blinken and Jon Finer, is briefed on the terrorist assault on Israel, Saturday October 7, 2023, in the Oval Office of the White House. (Official White House Photo by Cameron Smith)
Eavesdropping on the threesome’s most recent chat
Biden: Damnit Bibi! I warned you – don’t drop our American bombs in Rafah. Why man? On tents with kids and women….
No response.
Blinken: Hello Bibi. Hello. Blinken here with Joe. Can you hear us? Bibi! Netan?… Man, the latest bombing is making us look really bad. My boys say that even our media cannot avoid running the story.
Netanyahu: Yes, yes, I’m here. Look. All is fine. Don’t panic. We have always used your bombs. Everybody knows that.
I’ve said that it was a mistake and that we will do a full investigation. Blinky, tell your media that we killed several militants hiding in the tents. We have every right to defend ourselves when Hamas uses women and children to fight.
Biden: Damnit. For now until later, please, Stop using our bombs in Rafah, please. I’m right in the middle of my campaign and I can’t afford to lose any more votes over Gaza.
Blinken: I told Gallant earlier. You can use the heavy stuff given by the Brits, French or Germans. Or any other. But don’t use our stuff indiscriminately.
The Brits and others want to look good standing with you against Hamas and the Muslims. They are shit-scared of the Islamics. It’s perfectly okay to use their bombs, rockets and other stuff on Hamas or whoever. Nobody in Europe really bothers. In fact, most will support. They are all focused on Putin.
Biden: Listen, we have the college kids giving us a hard time and we also need to look better with the Saudis, Egypt and others. This kind of mistake is playing into Iran’s hand. So go easy and tell your IDF and air force not to be so trigger-happy and to avoid any more mistakes.
Netanyahu: Come on, surely you can deal with college kids. Just kick them where it hurts. They will run back to their mummies.
Look. I have bigger issues to deal with. The campaign against me by the hostage trouble making families and pro Hamas peace shitheads has gone on too long. I need to show Lapid and Benny that there’s no way they can bring me down. I, and only I, can lead Israel to victory.
Biden: We’re standing by you Net. All the way.
Biden: Yes. Boss just recently told the ICC off for the arrest warrant on you. If you do a Google search, you will find that all the world media carried Joe’s statement that what’s happened in Gaza is not genocide. Every media, everyone headlined the Boss’s defence of you. CNN, BBC, NYT, Washington Post, Reuters, Fox, Al Jazeera, ABC, Politico….
You name it. All of them share our view that there’s no genocide taking place in Gaza or Rafah.
There’s no way the ICC can touch you. We guarantee you that and we’ll also take care of Karim and Bensouda. Make sure they regret their action against you.
Netanyahu: Yes, okay. I know Joe. You are my good friend. You pull the strings on your side and we’ll make sure ours will help you in November. In fact, our people are already working hard to make sure you win.
Don’t forget I was the first person to congratulate you when you won. That pissed Trump. The schmuck cannot be trusted. Can you imagine! He used the F… word on me. I will never forget it.
Biden: Thanks again Bibi. Yeah, He’s a really bad guy. I will cut him down to size. But you have to help a lot more this time. We need plenty of moolah for the campaign. If I lose, you will have to deal with him.
Blinken: I’ll make sure the money is properly handled, Bibi.
It’s touch and go but the money can make the difference. Americans will vote for Biden if we can get more negative news out on Trump. And let me remind you that everyone knows that Trump wants to cut a deal on Palestine if he wins.
This means that you have to keep the war against Hamas going until election day at the least.
Netanyahu: No problem on the money, my friend. And I promise you I will keep the battle against Hamas and in Gaza going for much longer than anyone expects. You just have to keep sending us the war stuff.
For now though you need to help me first in dealing with the Euros.
Bloody Norwegians, Spanish, and Irish cannot be trusted. How dare they recognise Palestine. I thought you would keep them on our side.
I’ve told Kantz to screw Sanchez on this. Unbelievable that Spain is encouraging the genocide against us. Ireland and Norway, I can understand. Their public has always been anti Jew.
But the Spanish. I know that they have always been against us throughout history. But we never expected them to stoop so low to bring the other two against us. I am giving a warning to Sanchez and the other two. We will fight to the end and finish off Hamas. However long it takes and whatever is needed. Total victory is my promise to my people.
Blinken: Just received this message that Katz has been on X to say that Sánchez’s government is “being complicit in inciting genocide against Jews and war crimes.” We will play this up, Bibi. We will make the world realise the G word is one that we have full control over – not the ICC, not the UN, not the rest of the world.
Biden: I have to go now to prep for my debate against Trump. Don’t forget to get the moolah to us quick, Bibi.
Blinken: Good to chat again, Bibi. We will make sure Biden has nice things to say about you and Israel on the 27th.
Netanyahu: Okay. My boys will tune in to give full support to you.
Lim Teck Ghee
Lim Teck Ghee PhD is a Malaysian economic historian, policy analyst and public intellectual whose career has straddled academia, civil society organisations and international development agencies. He has a regular column, Another Take, in The Sun, a Malaysian daily; and is author of Challenging the Status Quo in Malaysia.